i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
