i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
