Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
