he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
