I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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