I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
