and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ttyl tear gas
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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