I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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