she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
