I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
