my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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