Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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