We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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