HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
