So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
