I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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