Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
