the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
