is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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