i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
