Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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