please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think I just sharted jello shots
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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