chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
