I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
