we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just invented taco cereal.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Vodka?
Forever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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