My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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