He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wear drunk well.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
