My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
