We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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