she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
