I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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