Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
