I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
