we're chasing vodka with high fives
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
