just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
