My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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