Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
