I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
