At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
