Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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