You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
