my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
