haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
