Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
