so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
