batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
