i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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