I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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