I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
