I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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