i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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