Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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