'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
