He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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