If i come over, it means nothing
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
